Alexis Sanchez needs a poker face

Caught laughing on the bench on a few occasions during miserable Arsenal defeats, the Chilean again couldn’t hide his mirth when Aaron Ramsey hit the post against Chelsea on Sunday.

Still, at least he’s not sulking (yet).

Arsenal have a nasty streak

Determined to defy their ‘soft touch’ label away from home, the Gunners decided to kick the shit out of Chelsea at Stamford Bridge.

Their supporters have already made videos celebrating the unusually rugged performance.

To be fair, they’ve haven’t got much else to celebrate. Bless ‘em.

David Luiz hates debates

We were faced with another week of arguing whether a high kick should be a red card after Luiz was only booked for booting Laurent Koscielny in the face.

Then the Brazilian launched into a crazy studs-up challenge and got sent off anyway, rendering the whole debate pointless – in Thierry Henry’s mind, at least.

Thanks, David, for sparing us the tedium.

Penalty takers shouldn’t be a problem

Greedy players fighting over the ball for an easy-scoring opportunity is one of the joys of modern football.

But why, when managers fastidiously plan every single aspect of their tactical gameplay, is this seemingly simple decision so often made on the spot?

(Pun intended).

Sergio Aguero is definitely not Pep Guardiola’s kind of player

He just doesn’t do enough to fit into the Spaniard’s system (aside from scoring six goals in six games with two assists).

No wonder Manchester City were so desperate to get rid of him in the summer.

Romelu Lukaku showed Everton no respect

And we loved it.

Seriously, let’s do away with this nonsense about not celebrating against former clubs.

Scoring goals is fun, and so is seeing players enjoy doing it.

Roy Hodgson can’t save Crystal Palace…

…as long as they keep missing chances.

The Eagles have had the eighth-most shots in the league this year, but rank 18th in shot accuracy.

Hodgson’s been tasked with keeping them up, but he can’t put the ball in the net in himself.

Clearly.

Newcastle aren’t safe

With three wins on the bounce, the Magpies are flying.

Rafa Benitez is happy, the summer crisis is a thing of the past, and it feels like this run will never end.

There’s only one thing to do now: bet on them to go down. They’re great value.

Wayne Rooney’s returned to form

That is, the form he showed in his last two years at Manchester United.